an observation

I've always valorized the excitement I feel about thinking about a new idea, or seeing an old problem in a new way. This is why I went to grad school and why I actually want to do this dissertation; I also assume that somehow this (either through obtaining a PhD or for whatever brilliant ideas I come up with along the way) will lead to some sort of career success.

But let's say this gets me nowhere. Will this sort of excitement I see retroactively look like some sort of manic state (there are definitely episodes of productive hypomania, though these aren't the only times I'm productive), or, even worse, a delusion?

I don't think so, because a lot of the ideas that I've come across in the last few years of my life have changed my life, sometimes even for the better. Studying depression in college really helped me, and I think looking at close relationships and the development of our capacities for them might be a good thing in and of itself.

But I might want to examine my assumption that intellectualizing and wallowing in ideas is a virtue.